Cyresse

Valentijnsdag, de dag der verplichtingen.

2012-01-26T11:05:00.000-08:00

het on-overtroffen, verwachte gevoel dat iedereen krijgt als de tijd van Valentijn weer nabij is, De hoop dat iemand toch nog een kaartje of een roos zal krijgen, is gewoon een gevoel omdat Valentijn toevallig vast in het rooster staat. Net als vakantie, als je weet dat je binnen twee weken vakantie heb, dan ga je er naar verlangen en wil je alleen maar meer. Het idee van een Valentijn op Valentijnsdag is natuurlijk perfect, de nationale dag der liefde delen met de persoon van wie jij denkt die perfect is, is alleen maar wonderbaarlijk. Als ze de klas binnen komen met een roos speciaal voor jou, of als je thuis komt en er ligt zo'n roze envelop op je te wachten, klaar om jou zijn mooiste, zoetste en liefste woorden te onthullen is de droom van elk meisje. En dan vraag ik me af, hoe zou dat zijn bij jongens? Valentijnsdag als verplichting, of echt als een gevoel? Als in alle films, waar mannen opeens op miraculeuse wijze tóch nog, op het laatste moment natuurlijk, verliefd worden op het meisje die zo overdreven droomt over haar dwarrelende gevoel, en haar zijn liefde laat zien, dan zou alles anders zijn.
Stel, iedere jongen was Ashton Kutcher en liet zijn rozen vallen in het water voor dat ene speciale meisje, was de wereld toch bijna wel perfect. Maar ik denk, dat de liefde van mannen, ook op valentijnsdag, niet verder gaat dan de voetbal die heen en weer rolt en vliegt tussen Real Madrid en Barcelona, niet verder gaat als de gulp die misschien wel open staat en vooral niet verder gaat als het schouder ophalen naar weer zo'n aanhankelijk meisje die hunkert naar aandacht van de man.
Maar, omdat het in het rooster staat, net als vakantie, blijft het toch een speciale dag. Een dag die echt verliefde stellen misschien wel elke dag beleven, maar op 14 februari toch wel een beetje een verplichting word.
Dus, wie kies jij?

luck

2012-01-20T05:23:00.001-08:00

There we went
Together
Told me to sleep on your shoulder
And we arrived

Somewhere new
Invisible
City of dreams without limits
Together, head to shoulder

Gentle breeze of your breath
Comforting
Your soft, male voice in my ear
There is no time

But then I lose you
Uncontrolled
See you walk away
And I shock

Open my eyes
Gasping
As I turn my head,
Eyes filled with tears

Realise it was just a dream
Fortunately
And we're still here
Side by side.

fact

2012-01-15T00:42:00.000-08:00

i always feel like Im not needed
that everyone can make it without me
and it is true,
life's just an addition to someone else's.

then stop trying
eventhough its hard
because where will they be
if you need them some day?

happening

2012-01-09T13:45:00.000-08:00

From the corner of my eye
I saw your glance
When being in the middle of all people
You made my understand

drove me crazy
made me go wild
and it was not just the alcohol
But this was what we both have ubderstand

Will never forget the memory
will never forget the feeling
but will close my mouth
and keep the urge within

dont say there aren't any people
desperate for their need
Trying to combine theirs with mine
but I don't feel it

what I saw
was something I can live on
Months, years, hours, seconds
eventhough you didn't mean it.

girls are sensitive
and so am I.
never will I change that thing
that is, and always be mine.

love? no.
Just for one night.
As quick as it came
It was gone, out of sight.

doubtful

2012-01-04T08:05:00.000-08:00

the never ending search
for the hidden scar deep inside
makes the process
a miracle, tonight.

a night filled with stars
hiding behind big, furry clouds
thats how much I love you
thats how hard I shout.

because the fingers of the trees
join the merciless fall of water
and the grass obeys
to the heavy pressure of pain

Animals keep on running
miles and miles away
hiding for the fear
that a predator might, make them prey.

because I'm the predator
and you're my prey
faster than the winds I will run
fall, but never say

I will, in the end get you
for now or some day else
try to make you feel
how I feel, about you now.

pronounce my feelings
in such a way
You could understand them
and make you stay

I thought nothing was impossible
But in fact this one is
You wanted to make the best of it
But I, didn't want to stay.

Im scared of my feelings
Im scared to show me
your hand was so close
but too far, to reach me

and now Im running
just like the animals did
hiding for whats left to come
my feelings will conquer me

make me the ugliest ruin
that will ever exist
but I wont show it
just like you once did

Never will you come back to me
or never shall I return
we both will be thinking
of the time that we once burned

thoughts

2011-12-21T08:10:00.000-08:00

They always know how to get you. smash you against the wall and kick you in your belly. twist your arm that its broken. they make you feel miserable, alone. no one to help and no one to see. helpless like a young fox caugt by some merciless beast ready to kill. at the moment you think help is gone, no one left to safe you and you think life ends, something, someone, is just on time to rescue you from a death that is so horrible that no one ever wants to die in such a way too. ruthless killers, broken smiles.
there the angel steps in, and im not saying god is my religion, but its true. at the mment of total desperation nature's defence systems shake of the dust and roll out their paws. they will help you survive. hard work, total exhaustion, its worth it.
my defence rolled out and stepped up the last month. two people I know died, one close related person got sick and I got thrown away by some fool who thought my issues were not important enough to solve. but I got defence. it stretched and saved my tears, pain, and made me feel good again. Love came by, and decided to stay for a little while, who knows for how long.
but this life is celebration. its designed to smile, designed to party. Designed to enjoy the smaller things, but also the greater ones. The nature of living will always stay and we'rust predators, fighting to survive. We will survive. Whether if its alone, together, dead or alive, we'll make it. and there's no one to stop me.
for now and forever we'll smile. and never surrender.
amen.

burried

2011-12-17T09:50:00.001-08:00

While death continues
Our soles are bare
No words to describe
The loss we bear.

And I dont understand
Why this is real
Our life
But Their death.

The most amazing people in the world
Seem to lose everytime
Unexpected,
undefined.

The joy of life is gone
No one to understand
That death came too quickly
Give them back, I goddamn demand.

They once made my world
And now its broken
No smile, no tear,
There's no life without you, I swear.

You, you should be right here
Standing next to me
There wouldnt be a tear,
There'd just be an amazing smile.

Dark ages are the boss of life now
I wont ever be able to see
How i changed, you changed
How we changed.

Im locked up
Got a life long detention
But I dont mind
Because I just dont understand.

balance

2011-12-14T04:22:00.000-08:00

To see the past and immediate future,
makes the world go round and round,
balanced in the perfect shadow,
To see the light with hope and glow.

nights unravel mysteries together,
hoping for the day to live,
nrver will my mind stop searching,
for the thing the light can give.

the nigt shows a sudden hint of fear,
Standing alone and I just shed a tear,
for now I'll stay in the middle,
of day, night and amazement, here.

just something.

2011-12-06T07:28:00.000-08:00

Like the heart never skips a beat,
it will always be the same.
life comes, life disappears,
and there's not a damn thing we can do about it.

but the joy of life will never be lost,
it will always be the amazement of the thing.
if t's a door, a chair or a dog,
scaryness or happyness.

because, I'm happy when my fellow humans are happy,
I will help them in their joy of life.
And disguise myself and my feelings,
because I know they'll come round sometime again.

for howlong we live,
and enjoy the things somebody likes to give,
It will always that little star right there in the universe,
that makes life not a terrible relationship with devotion in reserve.

Enjoy the moment.
live the day.
love the feelings,
that will always stay.

love

2011-10-28T09:46:00.000-07:00

i think its the most difficult thing there is in life,
while it actually is so easy.
Just tell the god damned person you love him or her,
and you will get a response.

if it's a yes or a no,
dont even think about that,
think about the lesson you will learn in the end,
and if it's a yes, you'll be the luckiest person on this whole planet.

to only feel the arms of your beloved around your body,
to feel the lips of your beloved on your lips,
hear the voice of your beloved in your ear,
is the most beautiful thing there is.

But unfortunately some people don't dare to tell the other one,
some people don't dare to say anything to the beloved,
just like me.

And that is such a big shame.

dear you, xx me.

2011-08-02T13:07:00.000-07:00

Don't need to search,
already found you.
looking for a star,
don't need to.

trying to find a friend,
don't even try.
you scare the crap outta me,
and that makes me smile.

love at first sight?
I'm not sure,
but I like the feeling,
thinking of the past with a small hint of future.

like the dreams,
love the smile,
adore the butterflies,
Feel alive.

hate the tears,
runnung down my face,
dislike the insecurities,
fear the days.

love like a scar,
story like a cloud,
never be lost,
never be found.

i like you,
fear, hate, adore you,
god you're stuck in my head,
and I'll wait for the days to come, that we will have.

.

Sun

2011-04-12T10:58:00.001-07:00

Rose

2011-04-11T11:50:00.001-07:00

I am

2011-04-02T13:57:00.000-07:00

Watch the rain pour down from heaven

Undefined and won’t stop till seven,

The gods showing their desire,

To have no proof, of you, a liar.

Make the rain flow through the streets,

Let me reach enormous speed,

Make the clouds, an artwork on it’s own,

Give the music, a place called home.

Give me the sign then, that I'm alive,

That I breathe, that I forgive,

The fact that I’m just here,

With our without you, my love, my dear.

Give me the summary,

Of our lovely life,

Take a step in the water, then dive,

See the fish, the friends, being here, alive.

I am my own support,

My own story, my own misery,

I’m the own decision,

I am the trainer, of my own division.

©Cyresse 02-04-2011

thoughts.

2011-04-02T13:08:00.000-07:00

Hi, I'm here,
I'll smile till the days are gone.
I'll walk until you come home,
I'll sing when the birds are gone.

So now we live,
appreciate the things we like to give,

say goodbye to friends,

standing next to each-other, hand in hand.

because you are the source,

of breathing and beating,

of walking and hoping,

my source of personal energy.

doesn't mean I love you in a romantic way,

Doesn't mean I think of you, day by day,

Because you will never unravel my secret,

which I keep hidden, and will always stay.

Watch the birds fly over,

Sky high, until the mountains,

there and back again.

watch them flee on the wind,

they watching the flowers, undefined,

watch the tears pouring from their faces,

dropping on the ground, that's where their base is.

never resist the feeling,

of goodbye, so unappealing,
because it will happen,
and till that day, I will smile, sing, and live the unimaginary thing.

©Cyresse, 02-04-2011

balance

2011-03-09T06:53:00.000-08:00

how would it be,

when every star would be attached to one an other with a thin string,

that if you'd graph the moon and take it with you,

the stars would leave heaven and follow you?

so how would it feel when we'd walk the streets,

happily look up the skies and see every star,

and know its one giant mass of strings, imaginary,

but also real?

That when the planets move, just like the sun,

the earth and the stars,

that there always be this harmony,

which will have advantage on the human-beings?

Then when we're watching the sun set,

next to each other, we could hold hands and feel the strings,

that are softly falling down on the earth,

softly disturbing but also ignored.

And when the birds fly over,

across the mountains on their way to the heavier sky,

and the clouds race over their speed and lose control,

thunder and lightning with pouring rain and we'll take shelter in an abandoned house,

that we're the strings, that make the stars connect. @ 08-03-2011

©Cyresse 08-03-2011

dreams

2011-02-07T08:46:00.000-08:00

reverse feelings coming together with bright red dreaming,
about a city which is sleeping and believe in,
the fact that you will never stop shining,
because, a burning star will never stop sparkling.

don't give up your hope and share your attention,
it will make you big, give you this extra dimension.
then go out and start traveling,
make your trip through this extra addition.

get your better half and start dancing,
through the rain and forest and end up standing,
staring in each others eyes, feel their perfection,
in seven weeks you will still feel this addiction.

make your head go wilt with attire,
longing for your better half,
hopes filled with feelings as admiration,
but then just close your eyes, and start dreaming.

2011-01-31T11:07:00.000-08:00

you know how it feels to be emotional?
to feel so uncontrolled, untamed, wild and at the same time quiet?

Then you must also know how it would feel to be a flower,
beautiful and in the same time afraid to get ugly.

Insecure, unattractive, self-aware, arrogant.

Well, that's how we all should feel some time.
How we are ought to feel. Expected to react.

But just say .. You never felt that way,
and you never want to feel that way.
It's not like someone is there with a knife on your neck.

Then just stay yourself and act normal,
like you would do in a certain situation.
Like .. air.
it moves, is never the same, changes..
That's how we should feel.
Not all the time the same, emotional, drama stuff..
Crying on school because you're feeling like you don't get enough attention,
saying you puked while you actually didn't.
stuff like that.

And there are the people who seem to be untouchable.
Unharmable, indescribable.
Those who always have this poker face on, and not showing what they're thinking.

Not showing emotion while just laughing and having fun with friends,
and completely abandoning the expectation most people have from you.
Respect.

I love those people. The anti-social network (irritating sometimes) people,
well, they have this big social network, but not on-line.

And then you get this friend request from someone you've never heard of,
never spoken to, and claims to have seen and talked to you, some day in the further away past.
Wants to be your girl-/boyfriend in the further away future. Don't lie, you've all done this at least once.
It's no shame.

Well, I guess I'm just happy with who I am, and with which friends I have.

the end.

Reverse devotion

2011-01-31T04:48:00.000-08:00

The light is shining on your pretty face,
your given beauty and your smiling face.
Waking up in heaven like an angel does,
getting used to the world as it always was.

Your beautiful eyes opening gentle,
blinking against the sudden light.
To get used to the unfamiliar place,
in a strange chamber with a familiar face.

Every little white spot on planet,
shining as bright as you do.
Every coloured spot on this planet,
quickly turning white to shine, too.

Slowly getting up and looking around,
amazed by the light showing the dust of air.
Touch your little, soft cheek to feel your warmth,
slowly kissing it with my lips.

Your growing perfection making you even more pretty,
making you an angel here spoiling my eyes,
making my eyes blink once in a while,
you're the sun on my blue sky.

Dark ages fading away,
with your presence in my already wonderful day,
and I hope it will never be broken,

This chemical which keeps our bond more tight than ever.

When the evening sets his tone,

you come to me with your poker-face on,

and you tell me things I never wanted to hear,

how we ended, our story, has surrendered.

My mighty feeling called love I used to own,

Might now pack his bags and leave my home.

The walls are grey, painted and coloured with some bright red,

Telling myself how I feel, and god I just can’t stop crying about this feeling I once had.

Midnight black is covering my sight tonight,
I’m trying to put on some light but I can't see,
harder and harder it gets,
when I can't measure my surrounding.

It's fading, my thoughts and sense,
can't see, nor feel, nor measure.
Feel like a complete stranger in my own world,
like abandoning my own self.

Drama takes over my control,
shuts down my vital organs of life,
lose my sense of love,
and my will to fight.

The darker spots turn midnight black.
flaming in surrounding and colouring my head,
The compromise is made without me knowing,
the elements turning against me and letting me fall.

Can't feel the ground under me,
can't feel space and air surrounding me,
only my own heartbeat,
racing against speed.

The lost story of life is returning,
taking over my everything again,
so please let me see the problem now,
or please shut me down.

So I live on like this for a time which is unfamiliar for me,

Summer, autumn, winter and fall.

Darling, you were the one I loved,

But now it’s hurting.

Come, come back to me.

Close your eyes,

But let me see.

Why couldn’t you just stay with me?

Fold your hands,

But make me feel.

In this love, our dance,

Make me see that our love wasn’t some stupid joke, that it was real.

Whether you decide where to put my feet,

Or I decide where to take some turns,

One of us will in the end take the lead,

And apparently you did, chose yourself over me.

There are these 90 streets around my corner,

And they crashed down in just one day.

That happened while you spoke to me,

And when you just, walked away.

Horses

2011-01-31T04:38:00.000-08:00

Horses.

How would it be if we would all ride horses,

Would we still write verses?

Would we all still love our lovers,

Wont find out about cheating, but only when he discovers?

And how would we feel,

If we would have to kill a seal?

And not process them in something chemical,

And not turn our planet anticlimatical?

So how would we hear,

When the cars disappear?

When we hear birds and wind overloud,

It would be a lot better, I don’t doubt.

And .. what would we see,

If there is no industry?

No factory, no dirty Co2,

Which the wind once further blew.

And how would it be when there wouldn’t be a reeking thing,

From industries and allies where that tramp is living in?

When every modern thing is never been seen,

I think it would smell very clean.

But we don’t know,

We will never do and so,

Maybe it will reverse some day and I’ll write a chorus,

And then, we could go outside, and ride horses.