Bittersweet panic

I can feel the pain

I’m trying to open my eyes

I cannot see

I’m surrounded by total darkness.

Distress takes over

I am trying to move

But something is restraining me

I open my mouth to scream, no sound.

Bittersweet panic starts in my heart

Moving along with my blood

I can feel it flowing, pounding

Hot, salty tears start streaming down my face

I can hear their footsteps

Hear their pain they’re reflecting on to me

I take a moment, calm myself

Concentrate, concentrate.

A gentle push, a soft touch,

Something is here with me

Trying to free me from my prison

Trying to release me from Hell.

The moment my feet touch the ground

I remember the cause of the pain I endure

Your carelessness, your coldness

When you told me.

The ground collapsed under me,

Anger took over my control,

I spit out the words I never meant to say

And told you I never loved you.

My misery now is nothing compared to what I’ve done to you

You, the one I would never want to miss

My heart, my soul, my smile

All of me disappeared when you left.

I want to go back,

Go back to you and not lay here in stead,

Call you, write you, give you back my heart

Make you believe that I do, love you

But I can’t, I don’t even dare to do that

You’re so close, so far, stuck in my head

My arms ache for your embrace

My body yearns for your touch

I’m lost, lost in my thoughts,

Lost in my misery, and I hear their footsteps coming closer

I expect the worst and prepare for the pain

Take a deep breath

And suddenly your arms are around my

I feel their warmth, I feel you kissing me

Frozen by surprise I turn my head, smile

“I love you”, you said, I nodded, and said it back