doubtful

the never ending search
for the hidden scar deep inside
makes the process
a miracle, tonight.

a night filled with stars
hiding behind big, furry clouds
thats how much I love you
thats how hard I shout.

because the fingers of the trees
join the merciless fall of water
and the grass obeys
to the heavy pressure of pain

Animals keep on running
miles and miles away
hiding for the fear
that a predator might, make them prey.

because I'm the predator
and you're my prey
faster than the winds I will run
fall, but never say

I will, in the end get you
for now or some day else
try to make you feel
how I feel, about you now.

pronounce my feelings
in such a way
You could understand them
and make you stay

I thought nothing was impossible
But in fact this one is
You wanted to make the best of it
But I, didn't want to stay.

Im scared of my feelings
Im scared to show me
your hand was so close
but too far, to reach me

and now Im running
just like the animals did
hiding for whats left to come
my feelings will conquer me

make me the ugliest ruin
that will ever exist
but I wont show it
just like you once did

Never will you come back to me
or never shall I return
we both will be thinking
of the time that we once burned

thoughts

They always know how to get you. smash you against the wall and kick you in your belly. twist your arm that its broken. they make you feel miserable, alone. no one to help and no one to see. helpless like a young fox caugt by some merciless beast ready to kill. at the moment you think help is gone, no one left to safe you and you think life ends, something, someone, is just on time to rescue you from a death that is so horrible that no one ever wants to die in such a way too. ruthless killers, broken smiles.
there the angel steps in, and im not saying god is my religion, but its true. at the mment of total desperation nature's defence systems shake of the dust and roll out their paws. they will help you survive. hard work, total exhaustion, its worth it.
my defence rolled out and stepped up the last month. two people I know died, one close related person got sick and I got thrown away by some fool who thought my issues were not important enough to solve. but I got defence. it stretched and saved my tears, pain, and made me feel good again. Love came by, and decided to stay for a little while, who knows for how long.
but this life is celebration. its designed to smile, designed to party. Designed to enjoy the smaller things, but also the greater ones. The nature of living will always stay and we'rust predators, fighting to survive. We will survive. Whether if its alone, together, dead or alive, we'll make it. and there's no one to stop me.
for now and forever we'll smile. and never surrender.
amen.

burried

While death continues
Our soles are bare
No words to describe
The loss we bear.

And I dont understand
Why this is real
Our life
But Their death.

The most amazing people in the world
Seem to lose everytime
Unexpected,
undefined.

The joy of life is gone
No one to understand
That death came too quickly
Give them back, I goddamn demand.

They once made my world
And now its broken
No smile, no tear,
There's no life without you, I swear.

You, you should be right here
Standing next to me
There wouldnt be a tear,
There'd just be an amazing smile.

Dark ages are the boss of life now
I wont ever be able to see
How i changed, you changed
How we changed.

Im locked up
Got a life long detention
But I dont mind
Because I just dont understand.

balance

To see the past and immediate future,
makes the world go round and round,
balanced in the perfect shadow,
To see the light with hope and glow.

nights unravel mysteries together,
hoping for the day to live,
nrver will my mind stop searching,
for the thing the light can give.

the nigt shows a sudden hint of fear,
Standing alone and I just shed a tear,
for now I'll stay in the middle,
of day, night and amazement, here.

just something.

Like the heart never skips a beat,
it will always be the same.
life comes, life disappears,
and there's not a damn thing we can do about it.

but the joy of life will never be lost,
it will always be the amazement of the thing.
if t's a door, a chair or a dog,
scaryness or happyness.

because, I'm happy when my fellow humans are happy,
I will help them in their joy of life.
And disguise myself and my feelings,
because I know they'll come round sometime again.

for howlong we live,
and enjoy the things somebody likes to give,
It will always that little star right there in the universe,
that makes life not a terrible relationship with devotion in reserve.

Enjoy the moment.
live the day.
love the feelings,
that will always stay.

love

i think its the most difficult thing there is in life,
while it actually is so easy.
Just tell the god damned person you love him or her,
and you will get a response.

if it's a yes or a no,
dont even think about that,
think about the lesson you will learn in the end,
and if it's a yes, you'll be the luckiest person on this whole planet.

to only feel the arms of your beloved around your body,
to feel the lips of your beloved on your lips,
hear the voice of your beloved in your ear,
is the most beautiful thing there is.

But unfortunately some people don't dare to tell the other one,
some people don't dare to say anything to the beloved,
just like me.

And that is such a big shame.

dear you, xx me.

Don't need to search,
already found you.
looking for a star,
don't need to.

trying to find a friend,
don't even try.
you scare the crap outta me,
and that makes me smile.

love at first sight?
I'm not sure,
but I like the feeling,
thinking of the past with a small hint of future.

like the dreams,
love the smile,
adore the butterflies,
Feel alive.

hate the tears,
runnung down my face,
dislike the insecurities,
fear the days.

love like a scar,
story like a cloud,
never be lost,
never be found.


i like you,
fear, hate, adore you,
god you're stuck in my head,
and I'll wait for the days to come, that we will have.

.